Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize