im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
