he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
