I wanna bring you to show and tell
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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