mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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