Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
