this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
