This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
