I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
