somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
its liver damage thursday
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