goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
