im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
