i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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