I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize