conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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