Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
