Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
