I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
