the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
