Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
