home. puking in laundry basket.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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