dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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