I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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