no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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