Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
