He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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