help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
