Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
