Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
