Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize