Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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