Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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