The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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