im gay
i know
yea but for you.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
