we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
