Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
