Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
