we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
