your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
