My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Couch. On fire.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
