this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
