shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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