So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I am available for nakedness
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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