There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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