dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
