WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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