are you so shy because you have an std?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
