Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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