I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
