I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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