Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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