You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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