Sacagawea was the original milf.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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