Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
