so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Randomize
