Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I had to cum in my sink.
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