Do you still have your period?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
