I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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