the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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