Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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