I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Drake has all the answers
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
