I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
