Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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