im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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