Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My bed smells like the plague
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
