I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
