i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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